Regret

Its bee a while since my last blog
Well, i'm not that bz lately..My routine has been more relax compare to berpantang period.
Now dah hampir seminggu habis pantang but still, i spent most of my time terperap dlm rumah.
It just sometimes dlm rumah yg berbeza .
The only time yg i could curi2 tgk dunia luar (in reality, not thru surfing) adalah time naik kereta from my mom's house to mak's house (my aunty @ shah alam - ade la 2 x je pergi) or to my in laws house in USJ.
So, kalau nak kire betul2 my actual perintah berkurung was started 1 week before bersalin. Since then - till now i am a truely, deeply, insanely HOUSEwife.
Tak tahu la org lain mcm mane.. i think i'm suffering post partum depression now. hehe
yup, just because i was (am) not allowed to go out of the house. Or lebih tepat takde siape nak bawak i keluar - to at least breath the fresh air outside atau sekurang2nya ronda2 tgk lampu kat jalan??? ( i am that desperate).

Tak tahu mcm mane nak explain bout what i feel exactly, tp seriously, duduk terperap ni mmg memBOSANkan. Mula la start fikir macam2..then dari fikir turn to meluat, geram and lama2 jd benci.
I cant burst my emotion/feeling to my parents..dah la menumpang kan, nak tunjuk besar kepala pulak.
and its ridiculous to blame maklong ( yg duk jage anak aku almost 80%) or sufi (my lil sister yg byk tolong this and that).
Hence, Anwar yg balik hujung minggu everyweek kerap jadi mangsa. Too bad.
Simple mistake turn out to be looong silent between us. Then, mula la recap semua bende dr mual2 kawen - mengandung - bersalin ..
Everything happens so fast...habis belajar, bertunang, kawin..then tibe2 dah jd mak budak. Now i'm a bit lost to find myself in between all these.
Why did i get married?
Why did i agree to become a mother / parents? - Maybe i should wait for another year or two ?

Niat baik utk balik rumah in laws so that they have their precious time with liittle Aidil turn out to be not a proud memory. I tried my best not to show anything to them tapi that's only me.
I know myself as a very secrecy person tapi kadang2 kite terpakse menanggung kesan daripada tindakan org lain. Mungkin menceritakan segala masalah kpd org lain adalah jalan terbaik to some people.
Ape pun, i'm just an ordinary hamba Allah yg tak dpt nak puaskan hati semua org.
Tibe2 td time "round" tgk blog org, jumpe blog Hanna Johary ni pastu got caught by one of her topic

Cara Menghilangkan Rasa Tidak Puas Hati Terhadap Suami

She is so right. No doubt about what she said in her blog. 

Masalahnya... can i be or even change my mind like her? How is that going to change me?

Susah kan jd isteri ni.. hehe i should've think about all this earlier. 

(nasib baik gak tak fikir, kalau tak sure jd andartu ..or is it better to be a janda anak satu??)

Oleh yg demikian, i berazam to make myself less depress/stress from tomorrow ermm..today.

Dah dapat green light from my mom utk kluar (- not with my son still) to settle some stuff.

i already got plan to hang out with some friends too..!

Soon, i'm going to fulfil my abandon spa & facial plan. Also retail therapy (I need a totally new wardrobe)

Hopefully, i'll be better..cross fingers.

Till then, please pray for a better me, i thank you in advance.

Aidil's 1st parcel from my BIL - Azlan@uncleLan in Deutchland